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Monday, June 24, 2024

For the Lolz: Things I’d rather do than resume my post-Spring Break life

Spring Break: a time to rest (sleep about two hours a night, since you are partying all day, everyday), relax (throw back about 10 shots of tequila and wait as your body and mind fall into giddy numbness), and let your hair down (let your hair down, your top off, and your pants off, because things are about to get weird). It may be for just one week, but it is probably the single best week you’ll have all year, and boy will you be sad to watch it go. Now that reality is about to settle in and you have to start going back to school, work, or whatever other obligations you have, you may start thinking of anything … Anything at all that you would rather do than be an adult again.

Go to the dentist.

Most people cringe at the idea of going to the dentist. The tools, the scary sounds, the pain as that maniacal dentist scrapes at your poor mouth. However, at least the pain meds would have you all numb and groggy. Being in a near coma would be better than having to study for an economics exam.

Watch 24 hours straight of C-SPAN.

Some of you may not even know what C-SPAN is. Well, the quick summary is that it’s a cable television network that televises proceedings of the federal government. Sounds exciting, huh? I doubt that you would be able to even get through 30 minutes of it, much less 24 hours without falling asleep. But hey, who doesn’t love a good old nap? Anything to put off your impending adulthood.

Babysit your hyperactive 6-year-old cousin for a weekend.

We all have that cousin or niece or nephew — maybe even that little kid that lives down the street that seems to never need rest and is fueled by the angst of the people who are around them. This child is loud, this child does not stop talking, this child is capable of making you want tie your own tubes or get rid of your family jewels just to make sure you never accidently create one of these monsters yourself. However, you would adopt this child if it meant that you could do your Spring Break over again.

Now, go again and try to sneak in that last shot or nap before you have to get back to reality.

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