Swamp of Love: Be a go-getter and go get her

Confidence

con·fi·dence. noun \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\ :

A feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something.

Feeling confident is an empowering state of mind. What could be better than knowing you can do whatever it is you set your mind to? Aced a test? Check. Nailed the internship interview? Got the call today!  Got rowdy at midtown last night? Done. Remember talking to anyone you were attracted to last night? Oops.

Or for anyone in a relationship, when was the last time you actually had an answer for the question “What do you wanna do tonight?” other than “I dunno, what are you thinking?” 

Far too often, it seems many people find ways to overcome huge obstacles in other areas of life, but suddenly freeze up in something as simple as an introduction and a conversation. Or even, freeze up before the introduction, thinking about those bright, blue eyes across the bar while trying to figure out the right thing to say. A group of four attractive, “top-tier” sorority girls approached me at a bar and asked why guys wouldn’t want to hit on them. I was confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we’ve been here all night and no one has tried talking to us, dancing with us, or anything. Why?”

“Well, they either have girlfriends or they’re scared to walk up to you.”

Now I don’t know everybody who was out that night, but I believe my answer is probably accurate. From attracting an attractive stranger to making plans with a long-time paramour, confidence is key for your love life.

Someone New

Ladies, this applies to you too. Even if I’m not attracted to a girl or lose interest after a few minutes of conversation, I still remember and respect those individuals for their confidence and willingness to be social. 

Gentlemen, if you spend more than five seconds thinking about what you’re going to say to that girl across the bar, one of three things is gonna happen: 

1. While you’re figuring out the perfect line, some other guy walks up and throws off your plan.
2. While you’re figuring out the perfect line, you’re also overthinking it and psyching yourself out
3. The girl gets up and leaves while you were too busy figuring out the perfect line. 

The irony? It doesn’t even matter what you say. Just be confident, be yourself, and be present in the moment.

For example, I saw a beautiful girl sitting on her Vespa at a red turn signal while I made the trek from Cantina to the rest of midtown around midnight. I may not remember what I said first, but after a quick smile back I looked her in the eyes and asked what she was doing that night… and we wound up grabbing some drinks downtown five minutes later. If I had overthought it, the light probably would’ve changed, I wouldn’t have had that same awesome night and I might still be wondering about that girl I met at a red light. 

"Lovers" by Ciao Paris, used under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0