Just friends.
You all know what I’m talking about. You’ve probably read books, watched shows or movies about it. You may even have some firsthand experience with it. Say it with me now, “the friend zone.”
It’s a terrible thing to catch feelings for someone who is not interested in returning the love. Charlie Brown said it best, “Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”But is there a way to escape the dreaded friend zone?
How’d this happen?
Let’s first identify how you got here. The journey to getting friend-zoned always comes down to one behavior: acting like a friend, not like a lover. Constantly texting back and forth. Posting internet memes on each other’s Facebook walls. Always being available: the shoulder to cry on, the friendly guy to walk home with after the bar, the lunch dates in between classes. Sure, these things make you a great friend- but not a lover.
What to do:
Regardless of if you’ve been in the friend-zone for years or only just met this new pal, there’s only one way to escape. First of all, understand that this may not lead to turning that person into your next relationship. But by using this advice, you’ll never have to suffer as her crying-shoulder because Mr. Wonderful just screwed up. Ready for it? Okay, here it is: Stop being friends.
That simple. Don’t devote your time and energies to someone who doesn’t want it. Communicate to this other person how you feel. Tell them you think they’re fun and funny, charming, cute, whatever it may be. And tell them you’d really like to take the relationship in a new direction, and ask them out. If you’re lucky, you’ll wind up with a date. If not, then just say that you can’t be friends anymore. I’m not saying to be a jerk about it and I’m not saying you have to ignore them all the time. But if you sever some of those ties, it’ll give you room to meet plenty more people. As long as you’re always upfront with someone new, there’d be no way to find yourself falling back into that dark friend zone, since you can express what you want out of a relationship and seek out new ones if things don’t work out. Eventually, you will find someone who will appreciate you, meet the qualities you’re looking for and return the feelings. In the meantime, enjoy the ride.
"Fellas Beware." by Tim Cook, used under CC BY-NC 2.0
