I have a cat and live with a few roommates, who love to hang out with my cat and benefit from her company. My cat is (rightly) 100% my responsibility, from feeding and cleaning the litter box to vet bills and toys. The only thing my roommates do is feed my cat on the rare occasion I’m gone for a weekend, which I always ask well in advance and am very grateful for. I don’t even ask them to scoop the litter box. Less than once a month, my cat makes a small mess (hairball, knocking over the trash) in the common area when I’m in class or at work. Instead of occasionally taking a few minutes to clean it up, my roommates will text me about it and leave the mess until I can get home, often hours later. I absolutely wouldn’t expect them to clean a mess my cat leaves in my room, but a mess in the common area every once in a blue moon feels like something they could just wipe up quickly. It’s not like it happens frequently, and it feels petty when we all chip in to keep the common area clean. Am I overreacting to think they could be less individualistic once in a while?
Signed,
Cat Caretaker
Before I sat down to write a response to your question, we gave my roommate’s cat her dewormer as she tried to jump out of our arms. A little earlier, I came home from working a shift at an animal clinic. I have seen all types of human and animal relationships in my lifetime. From owner and pet to researcher and subject, our interactions with animals have an impact on our reality.
Life becomes a bit heavier with the responsibility of a pet, even when they make our lives better. Sometimes, we need some help to shoulder that responsibility, especially when we are stretched thin. My roommate has a cat we all love and help care for. Yet, this is help we offered. We help because we love our roommate and we love her cat, Ginger, as our own. This is not to say your roommates are obligated to have a similar agreement, but this shapes my perspective on your situation.
I do not find it unreasonable for you to be frustrated with your roommates’ lack of initiative. It’s disheartening when someone’s actions are inconsistent with their other behavior. They might not even be thinking about it when they leave the mess for you to clean up. They are focusing on your responsibility for your cat over the shared responsibility of the space. When they leave the mess sitting there, they allow a common area to stay dirty.
Although that is a simple belief, I feel as if we often ignore the things we do not want to do, even when it's detrimental to everyone. There have been times when I have had a mental showdown with Ginger’s hairball, forcing myself to clean it up. It is simply the hazard of living with a pet; messes will arise and messes will need cleaning.
Your roommates must realize the kitty does not want to make a mess. She doesn’t want to hack up a hairball; she doesn’t plan for these things. If your roommates care for her, they have to sympathize with this. Pets are the heart of a home; love flows through them.
I believe changing the culture of a household starts by simply asking. You can explain to your roommates that you cannot be there to clean up all the time — you have responsibilities. Ask them if they would be willing to help every once and a while. We get so stuck in our own lives and expectations for others that we forget they might not have the same ones.
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Alejandra Agustin is a 21-year-old UF English and anthropology senior.
