Alright men, this is the advice you’ve all been waiting for. Most of you seem to have a tough time “getting” it, and it’s really not as confusing as you think. And women, for some reason we like to beat around the bush. We like to hide our feelings and have trouble admitting the inevitable truth. Maybe that’s because we are actually as manipulative as men think. or maybe it’s because we’re lying to ourselves– but it’s probably just because we know the truth hurts.
The thing about the truth is that it doesn’t matter if it hurts — it’s the truth whether you admit it or not. So ladies if you won’t admit it, I will. We’ve all thought these things at least once (and probably much, much more often).
Here’s what you need to understand about women:
- We are forever lying to you about your appearance. If you’re lying to us when we ask if these jeans make us look fat, we are lying to you when you ask if we’ve noticed that you skipped a few workouts. #SorryNotSorry
- We don’t want you to ask us if we’re okay. First of all, if you have to ask, we probably aren’t. And secondly, we just want you to know (and fix it). Because let’s be real, you’re a mind reader.
- We aren’t attracted to “players.” Unless of course we are in high school and are experiencing an extended lapse in judgement (it happens). Aside from that, we think you’re gross and have a limited understanding of life. You aren’t cool, you’re an a**hole.
- We don't date momma’s boys. Respecting your mother is one thing. Having matching tattoos with your mom and calling her 8 times a day is another– learn to let go.
- We don’t understand why you sweat so much at night. Really though, it’s freezing in the room, what’s going on? We also think it’s disgusting, and if we say otherwise, we’re lying.
- Contrary to popular belief, we care about sex too. It’s just not blatantly obvious because we don’t get off by staring at your “man parts.” They aren't attractive. Sorry.
- We expect to be your priority. Let me put this nicely: If your car is more important to you than us, don’t be surprised if we drive it off a cliff tomorrow.
- We don’t appreciate being called ‘sluts.’ This term gets thrown around a little loosely. So we like to experiment in the bedroom? So we wear crop tops and short shorts? We live for us, not for you.
- We can be late for a date. You can’t. We’re late because we’re getting dressed up for you. You’re late because you forgot.
- We like to make our friends jealous. Look, we want to be with the guy every other girl wishes they had. It’s a girl thing — don't question it, just make it happen.
- We need you to be considerate. And we need you to understand that being sensitive doesn’t make you “whipped.” It makes you less of a jerk than our last four boyfriends. Congratulations.
- Most of us appreciate a good meal. Salad is not the only thing on our menu. We don’t eat because we’re fat, we eat because we’re f***ing hungry.
- We know we’re bi-polar once a month. We even know we’re being demanding, b****y, and deserve to be called Satan. It’s not our fault, it’s mother nature.
- We always compare ourselves to other women. And you should make sure we feel just as beautiful as whatever girl is passing by. So when we ask if you think another girl is pretty, the answer better be ‘no.’
- We cherish our girls’ nights. We use these nights like you use the gym. We need to relieve stress (that and talk all kinds of s*** about you). But, good news: Nothing we say during girls’ night shall ever be used against you. It was just the wine talking.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have a lot of work to do. Don’t sweat it– when life forces you to deal with the opposite sex… Embrace it.
