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Tuesday, February 27, 2024

It’s way too early for this much noise. 

It might already be 1 p.m., but this combination of burning sun and screaming voices should be illegal. Looking at your surroundings, you see an endless sea of ecstatic voices and sunburns. At the center of it all, crowds of people alongside floats adorned with orange and blue celebrate in the middle of the street.

It must be extra hot for them, you think. Especially in a huge Gator mascot suit, you have to be sweating buckets. What brave people.

Of course, your friends aren’t helping ease your suffering. Apparently, you’re supposed to chomp with your hands right over left, not left over right. They keep getting mad at you when you do it wrong, but you don’t really understand the point of what you’re doing in the first place. You didn’t realize being a Gator was going to be so hard.

Finally, the parade seems to die down. The last float seems to trail behind all the others, showcasing the end of the event. Right before it passes by, you catch a glimpse of the orange and blue words written on its side.

They read…

Darts and Laurels

Happy Homecoming, Gators! The editorial staff at The Alligator would like to welcome alumni, fans and future Gators to The Swamp.

Everyone except Donald Trump Jr., that is. 

If you haven’t already heard, Trump Jr. is scheduled to give a keynote presentation with President Donald Trump’s campaign adviser, Kimberly Guilfoyle, next Thursday. UF is expected to pay them $50,000 to speak, but if it’s anything like Richard Spencer’s presentation, they’ll probably end up spending more on security. What’s even worse is the fact that this time around, the ACCENT Speakers Bureau can’t even get an actual conservative leader to speak to us. Instead, we’re stuck with someone whose only value lies within his father’s wealth. A dart goes to Trump Jr. for wasting our time and money with his irrelevant opinions.

Despite its usual large costs, some people are providing security at events for free. On Tuesday, Gigi Hadid confronted a woman who decided it would be funny to crash a Chanel catwalk in Paris. A laurel goes to Hadid for knowing when to end a joke that goes too far. 

Unfortunately, it seems like the Daily Mail doesn’t know when to stop. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have recently announced they will be suing the outlet for its constant harassment of the new duchess. This, of course, is especially sensitive to Harry as he lost his mother, Princess Diana, because of the overwhelming amount of people harassing her. A dart goes to the news organization for giving reporting a bad name. 

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Some people are actually feeling forgiving toward people who have done them wrong. Amber Guyger, a former Dallas police officer who shot an innocent man in his own apartment, was convicted on Wednesday for the murder of Botham Jean in 2018. His brother, Brandt Jean, decided to do the unthinkable after his testimony: he gave her a hug. A laurel goes to Jean for being a better person than most of us are. 

In light of being a better person, Judge Ann Donnelly deserves a laurel for denying R. Kelly bail. Thank you for making the world a better place by keeping him out of it. 

Seeing that this is supposed to be a celebratory weekend for everyone in Gainesville, it only makes sense for us to give the last laurel to UNO for releasing a braille card deck. Everyone deserves to be able to annihilate their friends with a “draw four” every once in a while.

The Editorial Board consists of Zora Viel, Opinions Editor; Amanda Rosa, Editor-in Chief; Kelly Hayes, Digital Managing Editor; and Tranelle Maner, Engagement Managing Editor.

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