Frustrated, frantic and desperate, you are about to end your search for a decent study space on campus. Library West is at capacity. Marston Science Library is so full that the fire marshall would faint at the sight of it. Students are packed in like sardines. The sleep-deprived, zombie-like crowd smells strongly of fatigue and caffeine. The line for Starbucks stretches far into the distance, over the horizon and into the sunset. Several students give up hope and pitch tents for the night, huddle around campfires and roast weenies under the Marston French Fries. You still have one last spot to check: Newell Hall. You jog down the steps and past the Hub. Racing toward the doors, you fling them open and enter.
You scour the inside. The first floor is full and each floor upward is even fuller. But finally, you see it: a thin, gleaming sliver of silver. You politely ask, “Is this spot taken?” gesturing to the vacant six inches at the end of a metal bench. Your new seatmate looks at you, smiles warmly, scoots down and whispers
Darts and Laurels
Our country is in a state of disorder and confusion. Pipe bombs are being mailed to prominent Democrats and critics of President Donald Trump. Those targeted already include former secretary of state Hillary Clinton, former CIA director John O. Brennan, former president Barack Obama, former vice president Joe Biden, former attorney general Eric Holder and actor Robert De Niro. Ten packages holding pipe bombs have been discovered so far.
The investigation has turned to South Florida, where law enforcement officials suspect the packages were mailed from, according to The New York Times. A pipe bomb intended for Brennan ended up at the offices of CNN. For The Alligator, this hits home in more ways than one.
As journalists, we are particularly sensitive to explosives ending up in newsrooms. It baffles us that after the bombings, the president still places more blame on the media. When our 45th president was elected, we expected “covfefe.” We expected incoherent Twitter rants. We expected a dysfunctional White House.
We did not expect pipe bombs to start showing up at CNN headquarters. We did not expect the president to take to Twitter to blame the media for the “anger we see today in our society.” In light of this earth-shaking news, words cannot capture how gravely our president is failing us.
Thus, Trump gets a well-deserved dart. The person responsible for mailing pipe bombs to political figures gets a temporary dart to hold the place of a conviction for terrorism, which we hope is delivered to them swiftly. To those saying it was actually Democrats behind the bombing and this was all a political ploy: a dart for willful ignorance and blind partisanship.
Now, to more reasonable, less polarized news. Just kidding. Coming up is more coverage of the unintelligible yelling match that was the second debate in the Florida governor’s race.
Ron DeSantis accused Andrew Gillum of taking tickets to see “Hamilton” as a bribe while serving as mayor of Tallahassee. Gillum returned the favor and accused DeSantis of misusing taxpayer money to travel to New York to appear on “Fox and Friends.”
To think our civil discourse and politics were going so smoothly and painlessly. The only silver lining is that no pipe bomb made an appearance at the debate. The candidates could have used this opportunity to address issues important to Florida voters, like public education or the environment. Instead, both candidates indulged in ad hominem attacks on each others’ character and integrity. Now instead of voting on salient topics, voters will be driven to the polls by how much they hate the opposing candidate. Well done, Florida.
A dart to Gillum and DeSantis each for wasting our time with the debate. A laurel to Floridians who will wisely ignore Wednesday’s shouting match and vote with their brains.
This country needs a large helping of friendliness and hospitality. Trump, Gillum and DeSantis should take a page out of the Newell Hall etiquette handbook, play nice and make room for others. Then afterward DeSantis can treat everyone to a trip to New York, and Gillum can take everyone to “Hamilton.”
