With the recent reports of Ray Rice committing assault and the outbreak of assaults at UF, the topic of violence against women is on everybody’s lips.
In general, people’s opinions on these issues are fairly similar.
The American public, for the most part, wants to see Ray Rice punished and wants to see the NFL held accountable for virtually ignoring this crime until recently.
The Gainesville community also wants to see the men responsible for assaulting women on campus arrested and convicted. Unfortunately, this sentiment of punishing criminal offenders doesn’t go far enough.
While I was riding the bus to campus Monday, a couple sitting in front of me was discussing the growing number of UF Alerts notifying students of attempted assaults. The woman said, “Now I am more scared of walking alone at night. In the past, I was okay, but now I’m scared of any male that –”.
The man quickly interrupted by saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll walk you to wherever you need to go. Remember, I’m one of the good guys.”
While his offer seems like a courteous gesture, this well-intentioned individual completely missed the point. He was under the impression that the young woman’s heightened fear of assault was a temporary one, and as a result, he tried to give her a quick fix to her problem.
When the issue of rape comes up, men tend to take it personally. We often resort to defending and distinguishing ourselves as “one of the good guys.” It is our obligation to actively listen, research and learn about how pervasive sexual assault is, especially on college campuses.
As men, we have to stop making these issues about ourselves and start to actually listen. Hearing numerous stories of harassment and assault might make us squeamish and uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, these situations are even worse for the women who have to experience and live through them at an alarming and growing rate.
Victimized women are already uncomfortable with sharing traumatic experiences and they have been conditioned by society to keep to themselves.
We should take a step back and let women have their space to vent their frustration and fear.
One way to help is to challenge other men who engage in sexual harassment, assault or any kind of violence. This seems like a no-brainer, but it simply does not happen as often as it should.
If you see a man engaging in catcalls, groping, unwanted comments on women’s bodies or any other inappropriate behavior, call them out on it.
Demand accountability for sports entities and other institutions that value profits over the safety of women. Offer support to people who are willing to go public with their stories of being assaulted or raped.
When a marginalized group talks about its struggles, the best thing to do as a privileged person is to listen, offer assistance and examine your own behavior to determine if you are part of the problem.
It is not enough to just protect women with quick fixes. We have to tell our brothers, cousins, uncles, friends and anyone else who will listen that any kind of violence against women is wrong.
With the increasing relevance of sexual assault and related issues to UF students, all of us, particularly those in leadership positions — fraternity presidents, executive board members and community and Student Government leaders — have a remarkable opportunity to stand up against this criminal behavior.
Sexual assault is more than just a women’s issue; it is an issue that concerns all of us. It’s time for men to “man up.”
Harold Joseph is a UF political science junior. His columns appear on Fridays.
[A version of this story ran on page 6 on 9/11/2014 under the headline "Men: Shut up and listen about assault"]
