First, it’s a way you can change the world. We need to produce more food over the course of your working lives than we have in the past 10,000 years. We’re not going to get there if people like you don’t come up with the scientific advances.
It’s been a crazy week, dear readers. Between that nonsensical WWE “Whose-nominee-is-this-guy-anyway?” deathmatch in Cleveland, Ohio, and Summer classes, it’s no wonder some of you might feel a bit overwhelmed. In times like these, kicking back and listening to some tunes might be all you need. Might we recommend to you some hot summer ’16 releases like “Dark Necessities” by the Melania Trump Chili Peppers or perhaps “Bored to Death” by Melania-182?
The lights were hot on a stage that could barely fit the ringleader’s ego. Inside the tent, a frenzied audience, crying out with ayes and nays, hollered when the silhouette of a man awkwardly moseyed on stage. With a flourish of hand gestures, albeit tiny ones made with tiny fingers, he grandly introduced his prized lioness: Melania Trump. And so went the first night of the “Republican National Circus.” On the second night, dozens of entertainers, a UFC president and a pro golfer among them, paraded to the stage to excite an audience thirsty for Democratic blood and a Republican victory. Meanwhile, spectators at home and commentators on TV marveled at their performances, a series of acts that would make the Ringling Bros. proud.
Pokemon will celebrate its 20th birthday this year. Since 1996, 721 pocket monsters have come into creation, 73 different video games can possibly be played and 21.5 billion trading cards have shipped globally. Nintendo released “Pokemon Go” two weeks ago, and the free game has added $7.5 billion to Nintendo’s market value. The game has already surpassed Facebook and Twitter in daily active users. Nintendo’s newest creation satisfies the yearning for the nostalgic days wasted on Game Boys. However, as the new game can no longer be played sitting in the corner, walking around with a phone glued to one’s face yields some danger.
The past few weeks have been troublesome for our country. Rather than add my voice to the chorus (read: cacophony) of those opinionating, I chose to listen, weighing the implications of cyber grief and outrage.
Over the next week and a half, the political elite of both major parties will evolve themselves from the primaries to the general election. Afterward, the candidates will ready themselves for battle in the gym we call America, and the two political parties will find themselves, according to The New York Times, $150 million in debt to the private entities (gym leaders) that will write checks for the conventions this year — all the more reason for our representatives to prioritize donors over constituents.
“The manner in which burning is executed is as follows: He who had been thus condemned was lowered into dung up to his armpits, then a hard cloth was placed within a soft one, wound round his neck, and the two loose ends pulled in opposite directions, forcing him to open his mouth. A wick was then lit, and thrown into his mouth, so that it descended into his body and burnt his bowels.”
Avoiding the financial summertime blues
On Friday, July 15, UF Student Government released a video via Facebook enthusiastically announcing an upcoming expansion to the Hub’s Chick-fil-A location. Under a cheery guise of “Moving Gators Forward,” SG seemed excited about the new breakfast options. As stated in the video’s caption, “Starting next year, UF students can finally ask, ‘Chick-n-Minis or Chicken Biscuit?’”
“Most people think/Great God will come from the skies/Take away everything/And make everybody feel high. But if you know what life is worth/You will look for yours on earth: And now you see the light/You stand up for your rights. Jah!” — To quote the late great former singer of the Wailers and beloved symbol of weed and reggae himself. There’s a lot of wrong in these times we live in. Our country needs healing — and not the kind where we stop at hoping and praying for the best. Far too long we’ve been complacent in the red. Now, in the spirit of completely abrupt and random transitions…
We are about to hit the apex of the Summer semester. That means a lot of studying and stress the further we dwell into July. Of course, for any males in decent shape and more than 6 feet tall, there is a tempting alternative to compete with countless of hours of studying. They could drop their books right now, head to the gym and start practicing their jump shots. The NBA is calling their names.
“Swiss Army Man” is a multipurpose movie, meaning something different to each viewer. To me, it was a message about not wasting your life by living in fear. To my mom, it was a message about the importance of speaking up. And to my dad, it was a suggestion to let out his farts more frequently.
This past week’s trauma is no secret.
China may have invented fireworks more than 2,000 years ago, but fireworks have been linked to America since the birth of this country. In a letter to Abigail Adams on July 3, 1776, John Adams wrote that the signing of the Declaration of Independence should be celebrated with “... Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.” While fireworks were once championed by a future president and first lady, they are now advocated by Joe Dirts with butane lighters.
To those of you who are not familiar with Bob Ross, stop reading this column and immediately turn on your computer and watch one episode of “Beauty is Everywhere” on Netflix.
Some of you have reached out to the Alligator asking our position on the recent Supreme Court ruling.
President Susan Webster has brought back business as usual to Student Government. Like many of you, I was quite alarmed at hearing online voting was dismantled by Webster and her UF Supreme Court. Sadly, I wasn’t surprised.
Hey Gators,
So much news has happened. We can’t get to everything, but we’ll touch on a lesser-known thing and then a something-that-should-be-discussed-more thing.
For the last six months, I have been studying intensively for the LSAT, or the Law School Admission Test. Between logic classes, practice exams and nightly research on what fields other than law in which a philosophy major can find a career, I found refuge where I had always found it: Cleveland sports. My family is from Cleveland. Whenever I would go there, my uncle and I would go to various sporting events. Some of my most cherished memories include watching the Cleveland Indians lose, watching the Cavaliers lose and watching the Browns lose.
Solutions by The State News
