Have you ever heard of the freshman 15? That daunting, infant-sized mass of weight that the average freshman is predicted to gain?
In a week's time, this campus, this oasis of knowledge and aesthetic splendor, is going to be slammed-packed beyond your imagination. There are going to be bicyclists whizzing through herds of people, preachers damning the masses to hell and anything else you could possibly imagine, including tons and tons of dancing. It's going to be like Black Friday had a drunken hook-up with a Harry Potter premiere - on crack.
At UF, we are very lucky. Our Student Body is incredibly talented in a variety of ways. Many of our faculty and staff are nationally or internationally recognized in their fields. The awards and points of pride are vast and diverse. Here are some examples: Our Career Resource Center is ranked No. 1 in the country; our fishing club continues to win national championships; faculty make miraculous discoveries; our Student Alumni Association is the largest in the United States and much more. However, despite the many accolades and a tremendously caring community reminiscent of a much smaller institution, there still remain students in distress.
If you've made it to this page by now, you probably want to slug a small child for all the Orange and Blue fapping that I've allowed to take place in this New Student Edition. I know you don't give two squirts of R. Kelly's piss about Gator Nights or the smorgasbord of student clubs that provide good, clean Christian fun - you want to know the best place you can pound booze and get away with sexual harassment without the long dick of the law getting in your way. I know I sure as hell did.
Welcome to the University of Florida! I applaud your decision to come to UF, and I am confident you will have a rich and memorable experience here.
With nearly 50,000 students traversing the university's campus every day, UF can sometimes feel like a city in itself.
Of all the schools you could choose from, you picked UF - a Southeastern Conference powerhouse at the beginning of Will Muschamp's inaugural season as head coach.
Those extra pounds lurk somewhere between the first football game and Thanksgiving weekend. It's inevitable for your roommate who thinks pizza, beer and cheesy bread are the main food groups.
The hunt is on. You crawl forward under the stifling Florida sun when you finally see it. Just as you're about to stake your claim, another driver whips around a corner and screeches into the spot right in front of you.
So you're settling in - getting used to the roommate, eating at dining halls and making awkward conversation with that cute girl or boy who always gets breakfast the same time you do.
For brand new freshmen, the first few weeks of college life can be exciting and liberating, but they can also feel scary and overwhelming.
Students are wising up to hard classes, taking a hint from Darwin and sniffing out the easy ones: adaptation at its best.
So you've been to Preview, learned the chomp, met advisers and heard a plethora of presentations. But as the euphoria of diving deeper into the Gator Nation wanes, there are things those who've crawled the swamps before you want you to know, like how to get the classes you want when 50,000 Gators are chomping for the same bite.
Around October, brightly colored study guides, stacks of flashcards and coffee thermoses start popping up in the arms of students all over campus.
If you're not paying attention to UF Student Government, you probably should. It controls a $17 million budget paid for by you and 50,000 of your fellow students.
There is no yellow brick road of transportation in the land of the orange and blue.
With the ever-increasing cost of tuition and college students' budgets steadily shrinking, purchasing new books from the university bookstore just isn't an option for some anymore.
Peeing, driving or walking could leave you on the wrong side of the law if there's alcohol involved.
Don't fret, young grasshopper, the Alligator is here to help.
On behalf of the UF Student Body, welcome to the Gator Nation! This is the beginning of the greatest years of your life, and we are here to guide you as you transition to college.
Solutions by The State News
