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Monday, June 30, 2025

The Avenue | Lifestyle

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  LIFESTYLE

More listen, less livid: Why Nickelback is pretty decent

I could very easily play devil’s advocate when it comes to Nickelback and all of the unequivocal hatred surrounding its members. However, after constantly hearing a particularly poignant list of “reasons” for the band’s supposed amount of suck, I find myself more leveled with defending what is, without a doubt, one of the decade’s most successful acts.


Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  LIFESTYLE

The fictitious timeline of Labor Day

1882: Gender-neutral historical figure Toni Labor sought to free the American worker from the shackles of the American work-week that, at its inception, continued for 365 days in a row. Tasks included, but were not limited to, beating rocks together and collecting goat and human sacrifices as offerings to the evil dragon who oversaw production atop Mt. Drudgery. Americans refered to the dragon as “Grover.” Toni Labor succeeded in slaying the dragon with a cardboard sign that read: “Seriously Grover, my feet are killing me,” and Americans celebrated by cooking the dragon over a fire. The Labor Day barbeque tradition was born.


Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  LIFESTYLE

Drop/add week madness: a charming letter of suggestion

For the past several hours, I’ve been staring at the drop/add page on my computer screen the way a drunk person watches the rotation of a gas station hot dog: with a mixture of hunger and disgust. Not five minutes goes by before I reclick the page’s refresh button, only to find myself seconds later cursing the heavens and shouting, “Buddha, Jesus, Athena! WHY!?,” knowing full well that somewhere in Gainesville, at that exact moment, some jerk is laughing because he has the class I want, and he knows it.



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