This weekend kicks off college football season, and many of you have been preparing since before the start of classes. Whether you will be attending the game, throwing a kickoff party or going to a local hangout spot, most eyes in Gainesville will be on the game.
But before you put on your orange and blue, paint your face and start filling your red plastic cups with whatever beverage suits your fancy, we have to end the week with our it's-college-football-season-again edition of...
Darts & Laurels
This week, we will start at the top. We will be throwing an it's-unfortunate-that-people-care-more-about-football-than-current-affairs-but-you-should-know-better DART at President Obama.
The president tried to schedule his "jobs" address to the nation in the one time slot that happened to interrupt the next GOP debate. Now, he has moved it to another slot that will compete with the NFL season opener.
How are we supposed to forget about being unemployed when you interrupt our beloved football with some speech about a job-creation plan?
But, there is good news in the world. The recipients of our epic-super-hero-strength LAUREL are Anthony Fischer, Austin Kempf and Ethan Knust. These three high-school football offensive linemen saved a pregnant woman who was trapped inside an overturned, burning pickup truck. That's, right, these three brave heroes lifted and flipped over a flaming pickup truck of death to pull out a trapped pregnant woman.
What have you done today?
Next, we throw a we-don't-want-to-pay-higher-tuition-either-but-holding-picket-signs-isn't-going-to-do-anything DART to Students for a Democratic Society. And besides, as we reported this week, UF students are ranked third in the nation for the bang that they get for their tuition buck. So, the whole "fair-share" talking point isn't really going to work.
In other news, as the 9/11 anniversary approaches, there are a lot of people out there who are trying to remember those we lost in different ways. That is why we are awarding our giving-a-human-face-to-tragedy LAUREL to Professor Tim Altmeyer. Altmeyer has planned to devote 60 hours over five days to read the obituaries of those who lost their lives.
But some people just don't know when to get out of the spotlight.
This describes the recipient of our this-is-real-life-not-a-movie DART to Steven Seagal. What did Mr. Seagal do to deserve this honor? He drove a tank into the home of an Arizona man who was suspected of animal cruelty. He also killed the man's dog and his roosters. Yeah.
Finally, we give a way-to-show-hospitality LAUREL to the restaurants that were busted last weekend for serving underage patrons. Your genorosity astounds us.
