It's already time to register for classes, and we're all too busy with this semester to care about the next.
Isn't that the way it always happens? Registration has a tendency to pop up right in the middle of exams, so we don't spend enough time choosing classes.
Each and every semester, we naively feel like we'll be able to sign up for exactly the courses we need when we want to attend them. Too bad it doesn't work like that.
If war is hell, registration must be hell's musty basement.
It's time to use those extra credits for something worthwhile. General education classes would be great fillers for your credit quota, but they're no more than fillers. Gen-ed courses are the most worthless classes offered.
Be honest with me: How many of you actually remember anything from Age of Dinosaurs? How much are you really going to learn from the newly required "diversity" credits? If the classes weren't so blasted easy, people might actually show up.
I'm petitioning the university to add a new minor that students could choose in lieu of gen-ed requirements. The minor would give students just as liberal an education and actually equip them for the real world.
Ladies and gentlemen, you could be among the first in the country to study Argumentative Theory.
This course of study will subject the student to a number of diverse opinions on an equally diverse amount of subjects. These 16 credits will validate a candidate's ability to effectively justify their many different opinions.
In your first semester, you'd be required to take four credits of Theory vs. Theory. This class would highlight the differences between scientific theories, which a large number of scientists agree upon, and everyday theories, which are backed by no factual data.
Evolution and gravity would not be debated.
Next, you'd have a choice between Actual Statistics and Media Statistics, either course for four credits. Both classes would tackle the same issues, but only one of them would correctly analyze the facts.
The other would prepare you for a career at Fox News.
Twenty-first Century Economics, another four-credit course, will benefit nearly everybody on campus because there's nothing more disturbing than hearing a chemistry major talk about the trade deficit.
Topics would include "Minimum-wage and its actual effect on society" and "Prohibition of sex and illegal drugs, and not being able to gain tax revenues from either."
The most controversial class, two-credit Race and Culture, would be unlike any ever offered. For each week of study, students would be asked to prepare a presentation on members of a different culture.
Any student receiving lower than a B on any project will be required to spend the rest of the semester living in the country where that culture is most prevalent.
The student would be dropped off without food, money or language lessons and be expected to adjust to the culture accordingly. Students may not want to skip week seven, when North Korea will be covered in detail.
Note that Race and Culture would have a two-credit corequisite titled Immigration: Your Family Did at One Point, Too.
In successfully completing the minor, students will be able to make legitimate decisions about how the world works.
I'd like to think all of us would sign up for the minor, but I know better. It's too hard to research an issue prior to forming an opinion.
Good luck with your gen-ed courses!
Kyle Cox is a junior majoring in anthropology and marketing. His column appears on Tuesdays.
