There is a scene in "Dan in Real Life" where one of Steve Carell's character's shrill, insufferable daughters ("She sounds like a tea kettle," to quote an earlier, better Carell movie) is pleading emotionally with him to let her boyfriend stay over. Once she uses the word "love," Carell suddenly laughs uncontrollably at his daughter's naïve stupidity. Not only is it the only genuinely funny scene in the film, but his line also accurately depicts how I felt watching "Dan in Real Life": "You've got to be kidding me."
Carell plays Dan, a popular local newspaper columnist, widower and father of three girls who only serves to prove to the West that China has got it right. For some unknown reason that the film never bothers to explain, the entire family is getting together at Dan's parents' lovely Rhode Island home to engage in "quirky" activities like family talent shows.
Alienated by his overbearing family the moment he gets there, Dan shuffles off to the local bookstore/tackle shop (seriously), where he meets the beautiful, ethereal Marie (Juliette Binoche) and falls for her. He then finds out that she's inexplicably dating Dan's brother, Mitch (played by Dane Cook, of all people). Such a moment suggests a metacommentary on the film: Marie can do better than Mitch, and both Binoche and the audience can do better than this movie.
To experience what "Dan in Real Life" is like without actually having to watch it, imagine "Little Miss Sunshine" without the feigned indie charm and snippets of emotional veracity, and then filter that through "The Family Stone." Add occasional cliché pratfalls a la every horrible mainstream Hollywood comedy in existence: Dan falls off a roof, gets in trouble with the police and hides in a shower fully clothed only to have someone turn it on. Then there's the family football game, where all the sexual tension manifests via tackling. When you're swimming in the same tired comedy pool as "Wedding Crashers," you know you're in trouble.
"Dan in Real Life" signifies one of the biggest wastes of talent of the year. Dan is the Generic Stock Steve Carell character: goofy, jokey and capable of rendering any situation incredibly awkward - an alternate universe version of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," where sexual mishaps didn't befall him at every turn. Binoche coasts through the film with little else to do but be charming, while Cook proves marginally effective at playing some version of himself. We can only hope his career continues to die a slow, painful death, and we finally don't have to listen to him scream moderately funny jokes that he stole from other comedians. It's a moot point to talk about the rest of the cast, whose characters are basically ciphers seemingly meant to irritate the audience right out of the theater. They're basically the family from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" without the offensive ethnic stereotypes.
There are, however, a couple of things the film does right. It somewhat accurately depicts the alienation I feel at large family functions because I can't relate to any of those horrible people - except Carell never takes to the bottle. The other thing is the delightful music by Norwegian singer/songwriter Sondre Lerche, though it smacks of a painful attempt by the film to score some indie cred. I guess Sufjan Stevens wasn't returning their calls.
Once the final credits began to roll, I debated going home at all for the holidays.
