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Friday, March 31, 2023

Hate to break the news to you, but better sex is not going to happen just because it's harder, faster or longer (though I'll admit, those don't hurt).

In fact, better sex has nothing to do with the conventional definition of sex at all.

Really great, screaming, toes-curled, sweaty, mind-blowing sex occurs more frequently because of outercourse than intercourse.

Huh? Let me break it down for you.

Think about the best sexual encounter you've ever had. Now think about what made it so incredible.

Chances are your partner's enjoyment, just as much as your own, was a key factor.

A University of Chicago survey found that only one-third of women achieve orgasm in an average sex session. That means there's a whole lotta faking - and a whole lotta sub-par sexin' - going down.

A large part of the problem is our culture's definition of exactly what sex is (as if President Bill Clinton didn't complicate it enough). Because the biological reason for sex is procreation, a man's orgasm is often revered in unfair proportion. Consequently, sex is viewed in a linear fashion - light foreplay, vaginal intercourse, man orgasms, the end. But we can do better than that boring template for sex, can't we?

If a woman's orgasm were as celebrated, I can guarantee both the frequency and quality of our sex lives would be greatly improved. Imagine a world with no more "I'm tired" complaints. I know I'm turned on just thinking about it.

That same University of Chicago survey also found that given just 21 minutes of foreplay, 93 percent of women reached orgasm. Further, more women came from that foreplay than from actual intercourse. Perhaps instead of viewing these acts as the appetizer to the main course, we need to view all sexual acts as items on a tapas menu: delicious morsels to enjoy throughout the whole meal, each equally pleasurable.

Understanding that most women have a higher chance of achieving orgasm before actual penetration means we need a new definition of sex. Outercourse, which is basically the sex stuff that occurs outside of penetration, is just as important as intercourse.

Ian Kerner, author of "She Comes First," said it all in the title. Simply, men should postpone their own orgasm in pursuit of mutual gratification.

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Now before you start complaining, dudes, let me say this, and let's hope it becomes a proverb for generations: An orgasmic woman is an enthusiastic woman. Hopefully, you won't need to ponder the implications very long.

Equal doses of each type of sex are essential, and good sex is everyone's responsibility. Outercourse, like intercourse, should never be one-sided or forsaken.

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