Let your chemistry book become covered with dust.
Watch your online lectures less than 24 hours before your exam - on fast forward.
Poke the Gators' opposing quarterback for that week on Facebook during class.
Parents, just stop reading. This isn't going to get much better for you.
Students, if you want to have fun, keep your eyes here for just a couple more minutes.
It doesn't matter if you don't know Tim Tebow from Tiny Tim, you've been inducted into a new culture.
Why should I go to a football or basketball game when I would've rather heard a lecture on elephantitis (Google it, just don't look at the images) than run one lap in P.E. class?
Because UF sports isn't about sports. It's about the craziest, most memorable times you'll have in Gainesville. If that doesn't make sense yet, go to a few games.
Just watch what everyone else does and scream when they do. That's step one. Has there ever been a time where you actually agreed with almost 90,000 other people? And have everyone yell with you at those with whom you don't agree? That's a pretty powerful feeling, freshies.
You'll never get these four - or five or six - years of your life back, so make sure you experience everything that there is to experience. And as new UF students, sports are a big part of what there is to experience. There have been documented photos of students climbing palm trees in celebration on University Avenue after one of the national championship celebrations. That's dedication.
Nobody is demanding potential bodily harm from you, but we are asking you to do your part. Maybe splash on some body paint for one or two games. Scream so loud that you need to invest in throat drops on Sunday. You can even buy the occasional Chick-Fil-A sandwich for one of the football players - it's their favorite, and they hang out right outside the restaurant.
I have watched several of my friends - guys and gals - who barely knew the difference between a point guard and a running back know Joakim Noah's political views and Urban Meyer's family tree.
And honestly, if you don't go to the games, there isn't a whole lot else to do. You won't be able to get around the roads as all the alumni pile in and clog the streets, and if you're caught studying during a football game then you deserve to be an opposing linebacker with Tebow bulldozing toward you - proceeding to knock you flat on your studious rump.
Don't worry, you will still find a way to get your degree. If I can make it through this college, you can. Just trust me on that one. Plus, I've made it while selling my college soul to this paper. A day of screaming at The Swamp or a night of jumping up and down at the O'Connell Center is not going to keep you from getting your degree. Even if you attend the occasional soccer, volleyball, baseball or softball games, your GPA won't suffer. You should even check out those gymnastics ladies, and for more than just the tight leotards.
There are very few places across the world with this much craziness for college athletics. Gainesville is UF, and UF is sports. Tebow didn't win the Heisman Trophy for discovering how to dissect molecules. Although the rumor that his tears cure cancer still exists.
Sure, you'll sweat up a storm and feel gross at the games, but don't worry, metrosexual guys or prissy girls. Nobody cares. If you don't feel disgusting at a game and don't chest bump at least one hairy stranger, you haven't fulfilled your UF quota.
Honestly, if you leave UF with your greatest memory being an A on that political science final, I feel bad for you. You should instead remember when you yelled that you would make sweet love to Tebow if he scores on the next play. Yes, Tebow Mania is that crazy. One of my male friends has a framed photo of Tebow by his bed, and that's not considered creepy by anybody I know.
This will be a time unlike anything you have ever experienced. So make sure you do, because coming back and trying to do the same thing when you're 40 actually is creepy.
You need to come here and work hard. Don't completely slack off, or you won't make it. But I do suggest if you meet any freshman who says he or she can't go to the game because of academics to promptly yell, "He/She hates Tebow," as loud as you can and run away as other students jump on them.
Instead of asking yourself why you should do all this, ask why not? Because after you graduate, there will be a lot of reasons why you should do something. Now can be a time of blissful ignorance.
