By majoring in a field that places a heavy emphasis on the proper use of language and simultaneously being a since-birth member of Generation Y, Z, XXX or whatever the hell we're called, I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Everywhere I hear people horrendously butchering the language I've spent the last 20-odd years trying to understand.
I don't care so much about typos and misspellings the way other anal-retentive journalism nerds do (a specific red-head comes to mind). My beef stems from the verbal abuse of the English language.
Don't jump the gun and assume I'm an over-enunciating, slang-hating, anti-profanity ass. Slang and profanity make the English language versatile and evolving, which is what makes writing worth my time. Plus, hip-hop would suck without them. Remember when "My Name Is" came out? Imagine if Eminem's video lyrics matched the lyrics on the actual record. Nobody would understand why Em was asking kids if they liked Primus (though I'm sure Les Claypool appreciated the name-drop).
My language anger originated from the un-word "ain't." This word, more than any other, can make the most educated person sound like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel. "Ain't" takes all valid points and lucid thoughts and throws them into an overflowing bathtub with a box jellyfish. Growing up surrounded by mumbly slang, southern twangs and stoner drawls - you know what I'm talking about, where people try to sound more tired than they are - "ain't" was the universal stupidifier.
"Ain't" got me started, but acronyms and abbrev.'s have elevated me to new levels of irritation. LOL worked fine in AIM, but in conversation, I think it's easier to physically laugh aloud - especially if something's actually funny. As for brb, piss off. If you're going to be right back, then just say it because it's only three measly syllables. (OK, I'm guilty of this one, but I kicked my own ass for doing it).
Presumably following the lead of LOL and brb, people have started lopping off what they deem are words' unnecessary letters.
"Ridiculous" drops a syllable and morphs into "ridic." OK, that's tolerable.
"Vomit" devolves into "vom." This will only work for me if the medical community decides to put it into practice. Symptoms: Vomming? Check. That could make it worthwhile.
"Random" loses its last letter to become "rando." I don't get this one at all. You don't save any time because it's still two syllables. Plus, it reminds me of Sylvester Stallone.
Most recently, I overheard a guy call something "inapprop." I laughed when I heard it, but a little part of me died inside. "Inapprop" ruined my Wednesday and forced me to examine the fate that has befallen my mother tongue. I hope Darwin was right and natural selection swoops in to put this trend out of its misery, otherwise our word-trimming will have dire, embarrassing consequences.
This practice better not invade the world of phrases. If we reach a point where it's socially acceptable to get down on one knee and ask, "W-Y-M-M?" I will "Thelma-and-Louise" myself into a gorge.
Adam Wynn is a journalism senior. His column appears on Fridays.
