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Wednesday, December 06, 2023

He said, she said: How do you get over someone you had feelings for?

He says ...

Splitting with your boyfriend or girlfriend is rarely a smooth ordeal.

The buildup to the breakup is stressful, but dealing with the pain and remorse afterward can be downright exhausting.

When a relationship ends, the less time you spend dwelling on the past, the faster you can move on to the future.

Kellen Denny, a junior electrical engineering student at UF, shared his experience in dealing with breakups.

Kellen said after the drama of breaking up is done, he tends to surround himself with the opposite sex. He isn't looking to hook up or find a new girlfriend; he's just searching for some female affection.

"Other than that, I would find myself trying to be around people a lot," Kellen said. "Because when I'm with other people, I don't think about the breakup. If I were alone, it would be the only thing on my mind."

Spending time with friends is important after a split. You need to keep the sense of companionship and happiness that you had during the relationship.

Remember, moving on from an ex is like a bad Halloween costume - the only thing you can do is admit it sucked and try again next year, or next week.

She says ...

Preparing my liver for the approaching Florida/Georgia, Fest 10 and Halloween weekend insanity soon to abound, I decided to bar hop and ask strangers what their methods are for moving past old flames. I wanted unfiltered honesty, and what's a better lube than alcohol?

From what I've gathered, when dealing with residual feelings from a breakup, it's as though the Jekyll and Hyde dichotomy gets the best of everyone. Forcing us into an internal combat that divides our conscious between helpful and harmful, even those with the most ironclad emotions have to figure out how to displace, or rather replace, feelings of companionship now eradicated.

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For those who opt for self-destruction, debauchery and casual sex often mask pangs of removed intimacy. Others expressed taking the newfound freedom as an excuse for self-improvement - nurturing the ties with other people in their lives, getting back into shape and kicking ass at school and work.

The truth is, I really don't know how to tackle this question. Obviously, it's better to reap some kind of positive inspiration from the separation, but let's face the fact that none of us are superhuman. If you get drunk and have a one-nighter, you might feel like crap the next day, but I will say that this isn't necessarily a bad thing.

My lovely readers, we only live once, and it's "mistakes" such as these that help define who we are and what we want out of life, love and most importantly, ourselves.

OK yes, being newly single requires adjustment, and depending on how much you cared for your ex, this can be completely draining. I hate to say it, but regardless of whether one falls into category indigent or inspired, the only remedy that really mends is out of our control: time. In the interim, if you're feeling nutty then talk to a counselor. It's their job.

Although, I would like to close this week with little tidbit of wisdom: If you write an emotionally charged email to your ex, give yourself at least 24 hours before sending it. Learn from my mistake, and spare yourselves the embarrassment. It will make moving on much easier.

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