When Life Gives You Lemons: The thing about exes

We’re all on a search to find our own happy ending — our own version of what true love, success, and happiness entail. At least once during your search (and probably more than once) you will consider your ex as part of this master plan. Deep down we know it won’t work, because it never works. It didn’t work the first time or the second and it won’t work now either.

Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. And if you’re an exception, you probably have the cutest love story on planet Earth and you’re the reason the rest of us won’t stay away. In reality, we know we’re on the fast track to failure. We know hooking up post-breakup, answering every 2 a.m. phone call, and meeting them every time they suggest “talking about things” is a bad decision. An awful decision. But we do it anyway. And we lie to ourselves to cope with the inevitable fallout when all goes wrong. 

We all know we’re doomed. We know exactly what it means when our ex calls after a tough breakup, when they profess their feelings and everlasting love, when they “miss us”. We know it isn’t the truth and, really, we know we’re lying to ourselves, too, but we’re too blinded to admit it.

Here’s the thing about exes:

It’s always perfect in the beginning. But what happens when the butterflies wear off and you’re stuck with the same God-awful BS that caused you two break up the first time? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

They know how to manipulate you. They know what you need to hear to drop everything and be at their house at midnight. They know what text to send to make your heart race. Chances are they did it when you were dating and they will do it again. 

You’re the perfect rebound. No one will make their most recent ex jealous quite like a past ex. Remember that next time he calls you for a lunch date.

Things might be different this time… but probably not. Life is too short to spend crying over the same asshole day in and day out. Whatever made you unhappy the last time will make you just as unhappy this time.

S/He isn’t as perfect as you’re remembering. You’ve probably fabricated a false image of your ex in your head that makes you question why you ever cut it off. Or you blame it on being young and stupid. You weren’t and, unfortunately, fabricated images don’t translate to reality.  

Do yourself a favor and stop traveling the well-beaten path. Maybe your happy ending isn’t exactly as you originally anticipated. Maybe your happy ending is about moving on and finding a new beginning. So stop stalking their Instagram. Block them on Twitter. De-friend them on Facebook. It’s over. Be glad that your ex is someone else’s problem.

"Δ†" by 55Laney 69, used under CC BY 2.0