If you've made it to this page by now, you probably want to slug a small child for all the Orange and Blue fapping that I've allowed to take place in this New Student Edition. I know you don't give two squirts of R. Kelly's piss about Gator Nights or the smorgasbord of student clubs that provide good, clean Christian fun - you want to know the best place you can pound booze and get away with sexual harassment without the long dick of the law getting in your way. I know I sure as hell did.
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Last Thursday, my good buddy/managing editor/the-man-who-has-the-sense-to-never-let-me-run-a-Muhammad-cartoon Joey Flechas and I drove down to St. Petersburg for the annual Florida Press Association convention. For the few of you who don't religiously follow the inner workings of Florida print media, the FPA convention is where a bunch of godless leftist journos/"media academics"/anyone with a hard-on for the written word from all across the state gather at some palace of a hotel, dress up in outfits picked out by Stevie Wonder and try to outstroke each other in rhetorical masturbation. Essentially, it's like the Republican National Convention with the exception that there's a limit to how much free booze you can guzzle.
Toward the end of my senior year of high school, my theology teacher, a behemoth of a human being who I'm pretty sure fought alongside the Philistines in a previous life, told our class to write an exhaustive, Jesus-filled, self-reflective term paper as our academic coup de grace.
Two political newcomers officially took their seats on the Gainesville City Commission as Susan Bottcher and Todd Chase were officially sworn in at the Thelma Boltin Senior Activity Center on Thursday. Bottcher, a homemaker who spent years involved in community activism before running for office this spring, replaces Warren Nielsen, who until Thursday was serving as a replacement for former commissioner Jack Donovan, who gave up his seat in his unsuccessful bid for the Alachua County Commission.
About two years ago, I decided to do what millions of college-aged kids have done since the days when Jesus and the Dirty Dozen toured as a traveling family band: print out a resume, put on the greatest pseudo-smile Monopoly money can buy and apply for a job.
Frank Santiago is not a vengeful man. As a child, he was taught to never take pride in another person's misfortune. All life, the nuns and the priests at the parochial schools would say, is a gift from God. When man suffers, God suffers. Who were you to dance while the angels cried?
Gainesville City Commission candidates Todd Chase and Susan Bottcher came out victorious in their election races Tuesday night, officially ending the local election season and putting two new faces in city hall.
As he laid his Bible and handgun ever so carefully down on a music stand, Terry Jones slowly made his way to the pulpit to deliver his sermon.
Halfway through his presentation at the Santa Fe College Auditorium on Saturday, Cliff Stearns briefly paused and reached into his pocket.
Dave Kratzer is moving on up — and across the hallway.
Despite the economic malaise that has grabbed hold of everyday life, Gainesville is still a great place to call home, commission candidates from two separate races said at a forum Tuesday.
Since the 1990s, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have made their buck throwing everything from the sacred to the unmentionable under the comedic bus. They have taken on topics ranging from Scientology to the Shake Weight and everything else in between.
After all the votes were tallied and all the precincts accounted for, one candidate gets to go back to work as a winner, while four others have more work to do.
Four UF law students studying abroad in New Zealand are safe after the country was rocked by an earthquake earlier this week, UF officials confirmed Wednesday.
He looked like the same at-large district candidate who had come to all the other previous forums. He had the long sideburns, slicked-back colonial hairstyle and a voice that makes microphones unnecessary.
With the voter registration deadline for city elections a day away, 11 City Commission candidates from three races converged on the Millhopper Branch Library on Sunday in an effort to shore up votes for their March showdown.
For Rod Smith, last November was not a pretty month.
When Sandra Russo left her hotel in Egypt in the early hours of Jan. 26 for her flight, she couldn’t help but hear the sounds of laughter and upbeat music coming across the way. They were the sounds of an Egyptian engagement party, the kind that start a little before midnight and keep rolling all through the night. Typical Egypt, she thought.
After a long Tuesday filled with meetings, handshakes and city statutes, Craig Lowe decided to stop off for a drink after work.
As political and social turmoil sweep across Egypt, one UF student studying abroad there is being evacuated, UF administration confirmed Monday.