It's 9:17 a.m. He's still asleep, of course. You're wearing his clothes, but there's no way you're going to wear them home. And your only other option is a little red dress and leopard stilettos. But with a 10:40 a.m. class and a desperately needed shower, you swallow your pride and brave the streets.
Everyone loves a villain. Well, we like to hear about them, anyway.
People have spent the past few days filling this paper with complaints about the budget cuts. Admittedly, the cuts are controversial and probably imperfect, but you have to make sacrifices when there's no money available. For those of us who are already here, there's not much to do other than accept it.
The budget cut proposal presented by CLAS last week targeted the Department of Religion as one of the programs set for a substantial cut, threatening its future as a viable program. Founded in 1946, the Department of Religion at UF is an undeniably strong program dedicated and essential to the ideals of a liberal arts education.
She's a spectacle, and just like rubberneckers passing a five-car pileup, Americans can't seem to look away.
Last Wednesday College of Liberal Arts and Sciences Dean Paul D'Anieri revealed possible CLAS budget cuts which, if implemented, would reduce funding for the Department of Religion at UF by 65 percent. This would leave the department with a mere four faculty members and would likely end the graduate program.
Last time I checked, Goliath didn't have home-turf advantage against David.
This week Parade Magazine, that renowned paragon of investigative journalism, published a list of the top 10 "terrible tyrants" next to a full-page color ad for those mysterious Amish fireplaces.
This column is written in rebuttal to the dean's assertion that Geology is a drain on the resources of UF because of the low number of Ph.D.'s and undergraduates.
Ever since the end of the Cold War, political and historical experts alike have predicted a decline in American hegemonic status. Some of the nuttier experts, such as Russian scholar Igor Panarin, have even predicted a complete collapse of our union into four different republics. Longhorn fans will be pleased to know that Panarin predicts the Republic of Texas will be the biggest of the four new countries, incorporating even Florida.
Welcome to the worst three days of March Madness.
I received a bit of a gift in one of my classes last week, and I've been thanking the gods of absurdity ever since. On Monday, I had the pleasure of watching a debate on the proposed Charter Amendment 1. It was a slaughter and roused my latent political conscience.
I'll be up-front: I think Charter Amendment 1 is abhorrent, and I hope it's defeated. But I don't think that anybody who feels differently is automatically a bigot.
I have a strong stomach. Only a handful of things consistently turn my stomach contents into a downtown sidewalk display: catching a ride post- or mid-drinkathon, all songs Nickelback and when, like, people, like, say "like" all the time. Other than those three things, I rarely get to taste my stomach acid.
We are drowning. Not just in credit card bills and tuition payments, we are drowning in false choices.
The banners were strange. They were painted black with a diamond-shaped logo that doesn't belong in the O'Connell Center. They read "National Invitation Tournament" and spoke of postseason dreams, but not the postseason dreams with shining moments and the usual Madness.
You've got to hand it to the pope. He can get away with saying stuff that would result in public crucifixion for anyone else.
As many of you know, after the end of this semester, UF will no longer offer the Vietnamese and Korean language programs.
As Americans fumble around in the dark in an attempt to make sense of the economic mess we've found ourselves in, the country is searching for culprits so we can put our minds at ease. Those currently in the spotlight are none other than Ponzi schemer extraordinaire Bernard Lawrence Madoff and "those guys" over at AIG.
Solutions by The State News
