The fictitious timeline of Labor Day
By Ian Rowe | Aug. 29, 20121882: Gender-neutral historical figure Toni Labor sought to free the American worker from the shackles of the American work-week that, at its inception, continued for 365 days in a row. Tasks included, but were not limited to, beating rocks together and collecting goat and human sacrifices as offerings to the evil dragon who oversaw production atop Mt. Drudgery. Americans refered to the dragon as “Grover.” Toni Labor succeeded in slaying the dragon with a cardboard sign that read: “Seriously Grover, my feet are killing me,” and Americans celebrated by cooking the dragon over a fire. The Labor Day barbeque tradition was born.