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Tuesday, July 08, 2025

El Caimán

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  MUSIC

Album review: Valencia – "We All Need a Reason to Believe"

The cover art of Valencia's "We All Need A Reason to Believe" features five guys striking contemplative poses in the middle of the desert, no doubt asking themselves, "How can we make our predictable emo shtick appeal to people with ears?" Unfortunately, this fleeting practical thought escaped into the cool evening air, and our skinny-jeaned friends promptly built a ceremonial bonfire to summon the spirit of Pete Wentz. Perhaps taking mushrooms with Vince and Ari would have been a more constructive wasteland endeavor because "Free," "Holiday," "Safe to Say," etc. prove that there are three certainties in life: death, taxes and the shameless pairing of soft, gut-wrenching bridges with loud, bombastic choruses. The sun can't set on this band fast enough.


Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  MOVIES AND TV

'Four Christmases' more full of bad jokes than holiday cheer

Right around Thanksgiving it begins to happen. As we mindlessly stuff ourselves with turkey, the world outside transforms in a majestic way; front lawns become biblical light shows, toy stores become parental battle grounds, and repetitive, peppy music infuses every store, car and restaurant in America. Behind all this snowy wonderment, Hollywood plays a sinister trick, and all over the country cliché, sentimental family films pop up like blemishes on the face of the movie industry. One of these blackheads, "Four Christmases," smiles at you while you writhe in pain and feel the urge to punch someone out of boredom.


Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  FASHION

Don't take a holiday from being fashionable

It's that time again. The Florida air is getting chillier, the countdown to winter break is getting shorter and your mother's reminders of all the things you have to do when you get home are becoming a daily staple. No doubt the majority of you will have to attend some holiday function over your winter break, whether you want to or not, and I'm here to help you make sure that you look your best. Even if your dad's office party is so boring you are contemplating faking food poisoning, at least you'll look fabulous doing it.


Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  MUSIC

Album review: The Knux – "Remind Me in 3 Days"

How about some role play with your rap music? A technique long ago mastered by those cheeky Wu-Tang lads, the tempting habit of cramming one's album with scripted banter and wink-wink inside jokes occasionally sidetracks the Brothers Lindsey. Yet when Al and Krispy focus on the actual songs, the young duo confirm themselves as genre-bending hip-hop impresarios. "Bang! Bang!" would make a devastating TV on the Radio cut as it begins a Matrix-worthy techno rocker before exploding into electric, rhyme-heavy verses. Likewise, side one of "Remind Me" is an exercise in style-mashing precision, but when the half-assed skits creep in during the second half hour, one gets the sense that The Knux could be truly great if they could only consistently answer the classic actor question: What's my motivation?



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