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Tuesday, June 25, 2024

BRANDT WILLIAMS


Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  SEX

High-tech sex pleases all

As any well-educated and well-rounded 20-year-old can tell you, college welcomes those with an irrepressible appetite for knowledge. However, those 20-somethings also comprise the nation’s youth – a generation that is enjoying its prime and is fully aware of it sexual abilities. College also welcomes the flirtatious, the scandalous, the irresponsible, the debased and the adorably promiscuous. We jump in and out of one another’s beds but often overlook the simpler, STD-free expressions of our sexuality.

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  SEX

Most relationships dysfunctional

Last summer I was visiting a notoriously melodramatic couple in West Palm Beach. Seated at a bar in Bradley’s, the couple’s most recent quarrel had us on the edge of our bar stools. Downing another Tequila Sunrise in a futile attempt to tune out the awkwardness, I listened to my friends trade barbed insults. They passionately disputed whether it’s appropriate to boast about their previous sexcapades in front of one another (by the way, it’s really, really not). Now imagine this: The guy, who resembles a Jewish version of The Hulk, becomes inexplicably jealous and tears up underneath his oversized dark shades while the girl coolly rolls her eyes and says, “If you don’t stop crying, we’re leaving.”

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  SEX

Sex in a different city offers welcome relief, adventure

Despite the fact that we attend a university with nearly 50,000 students, Gainesville is not a metropolitan haven that you can have anonymous sex with a stranger who you'll never see again. Rather, I'd argue that you might have difficulty swinging a weight at Southwest Recreation Center without knocking over two people you've previously "exercised" with. The solution? Pack, make for the border (of another state) and indulge in a weekend vacation.

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  SEX

STD testing worth visit to doctor

In nearly every college student's life comes a rite of passage. There is nothing super sweet about this particular passage, which might cause your stomach to sink faster than if you had overslept through a microeconomics final. I'm talking about STD testing here, you wild scoundrels.

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  SEX

Role-playing taps into fantasies

A good friend of mine was recently in need of a "sexy librarian" outfit for a costume party and requested my expertise in locating the appropriately slut-tastic attire. After some shopping, I ensured that my friend was sexed up in a button-down blouse, tight-fitting pencil skirt, yellow Calvin Klein glasses, six-inch black heels and a neon blue corset. Weeks later I discovered that her supposed costume party was actually a party for two to indulge the fantasies of her nerdy boyfriend.

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  SEX

Selfish sex results in karmic kick

Relationship karma is karma's lesser-known and more sadistic cousin, and I assure you it is not lacking at colleges across the nation. With no shortage of sex-starved students, immorally themed parties and dollar-pitcher nights at the nearest bar, college is a breeding ground for screwing and - often - screwing over. But thanks to relationship karma, you can be sure that what goes around in your love life will come back around to bite you in the rear.

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  SEX

Binges won/t mend a broken heart

It/s 3 a.m., you/re piss-drunk, out of breath, rolling among sweat-stained sheets and incapable of sleep. No, you/re not in the thrusts of a one-night stand; you/re dealing with heartbreak after being served a monogamist/s worst fear: the breakup.

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