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Monday, May 27, 2024

ERIK VOSS


Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  LIFESTYLE

Forget your New Year's fitness resolution

At this stage in my life, the only practical benefit to regular exercise is improving my sexual attractiveness. (Health? I’m good, thanks. I voted for Obama, and he’s got me covered there.) I’ll pick up a dumbbell when the other channels of attracting women become obsolete.

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  LIFESTYLE

Racism becomes more subtle, complicated

Whenever I hear the word "racism," I think back to a friend I had in second grade named Christopher. Christopher, it turned out, wasn't big on black people. One afternoon, the two of us were playing on a jungle gym when two black boys asked to join us.

Florida Alligator
THE AVENUE  |  LIFESTYLE

Grade school instills competition at early age

When I was in the fifth grade, my teacher introduced a new weekly competition called "Student of the Week." Every Friday afternoon she would saunter out from behind her desk, a freshly word-processed certificate in hand, and appoint one poor soul to a weeklong sentence of hatred from his or her peers.

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