Fans of canoeing or kayaking should be writing their Alachua County Commissioners to thank them for standing up against the busy bodies at the Alachua County Parks Office.
On behalf of the Alligator editorial board, I want to welcome all of the new and returning students to UF.
For about a half-dozen Saturdays every fall, Gainesville becomes a carnival of orange and blue.
So much about today is new.
If there is one thing we, as a nation, need to start picking on, it's homeless shelters.
So this Tuesday, in either a stroke of ingenuity or a subconscious desire to get more people to verbally pummel me, I announced to the swarms of Alligator fans that they could use the last paper of the summer to ask whatever their heart desired. Here were some of the gems
We all know that one guy who, no matter how you slice it, is just incapable of flexing his cool muscles.
Oh God, We're not tops in partying! Get over it.
"The only thing dumber than a Republican or Democrat is when these pricks work together," Lewis Black once rambled in one of his acerbic comedic whippings of American society. He said, "We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas. And the way it works is the Republican stands up in Congress and goes, ‘I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!' and the Democrat says, ‘AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!'"
We're going to try something different Thursday.
With all the utter stupidity and assclown-ity that has been allowed to run rampant in this town and university, let alone this country, it's incredibly easy to become jaded toward the Big Guy Upstairs. He's probably not that enthused either when he has to explain to other celestial beings that yes - He has to take credit for all his children, including the deadbeat ones who use emoticons in their everyday speech, wear Ed Hardy and actually think George Lopez is funny.
In the next few days, a good number of you will be fully immersed in one of the greatest pains in the backside known to man as you fire up your U-Hauls, break out the boxes and load up your arms with as much stuff as possible as you bid your apartments/houses/glorified shitholes farewell.
Call it the end result of advertising bombing raids, product placements, logos, mottos, catchlines or an unholy alliance of all these things, but we as Americans have a never-ending hard-on for labeling things. Especially things that have no business being labeled. It doesn't matter if it's Coca-Cola or Grandpa's coke, we can find a way to slap a tag, banner or any overarching gimmick on anything to generate a quick buck or a web hit.
Gator Growl got it right this time.
We've all wondered whether our parents and even grandparents set up Facebook profiles to be more connected with us or to keep their eyes on us.
And now we pause for a moment of silence to acknowledge the long-awaited death of the diseased politi-joke that was state Sen. Mike Haridopolos' legislative career.
The saddest part about all of this? Not a sliver of surprise was felt by any of us.
Saturday night at the club downtown could get a bit more expensive in the near future, and contrary to the city's hopes, we don't think that's going to attract more customers.
When a 168-year-old British tabloid read by millions goes down in the flames, we have to say something.
Last Thursday, my good buddy/managing editor/the-man-who-has-the-sense-to-never-let-me-run-a-Muhammad-cartoon Joey Flechas and I drove down to St. Petersburg for the annual Florida Press Association convention. For the few of you who don't religiously follow the inner workings of Florida print media, the FPA convention is where a bunch of godless leftist journos/"media academics"/anyone with a hard-on for the written word from all across the state gather at some palace of a hotel, dress up in outfits picked out by Stevie Wonder and try to outstroke each other in rhetorical masturbation. Essentially, it's like the Republican National Convention with the exception that there's a limit to how much free booze you can guzzle.
Solutions by The State News
