If you've made it to this page by now, you probably want to slug a small child for all the Orange and Blue fapping that I've allowed to take place in this New Student Edition. I know you don't give two squirts of R. Kelly's piss about Gator Nights or the smorgasbord of student clubs that provide good, clean Christian fun - you want to know the best place you can pound booze and get away with sexual harassment without the long dick of the law getting in your way. I know I sure as hell did.
Last Thursday, my good buddy/managing editor/the-man-who-has-the-sense-to-never-let-me-run-a-Muhammad-cartoon Joey Flechas and I drove down to St. Petersburg for the annual Florida Press Association convention. For the few of you who don't religiously follow the inner workings of Florida print media, the FPA convention is where a bunch of godless leftist journos/"media academics"/anyone with a hard-on for the written word from all across the state gather at some palace of a hotel, dress up in outfits picked out by Stevie Wonder and try to outstroke each other in rhetorical masturbation. Essentially, it's like the Republican National Convention with the exception that there's a limit to how much free booze you can guzzle.
Toward the end of my senior year of high school, my theology teacher, a behemoth of a human being who I'm pretty sure fought alongside the Philistines in a previous life, told our class to write an exhaustive, Jesus-filled, self-reflective term paper as our academic coup de grace.
Two political newcomers officially took their seats on the Gainesville City Commission as Susan Bottcher and Todd Chase were officially sworn in at the Thelma Boltin Senior Activity Center on Thursday.
About two years ago, I decided to do what millions of college-aged kids have done since the days when Jesus and the Dirty Dozen toured as a traveling family band: print out a resume, put on the greatest pseudo-smile Monopoly money can buy and apply for a job.
Frank Santiago is not a vengeful man. As a child, he was taught to never take pride in another person's misfortune.
As he laid his Bible and handgun ever so carefully down on a music stand, Terry Jones slowly made his way to the pulpit to deliver his sermon.
As he made the rounds throughout his district Saturday, Cliff Stearns portrayed for those in attendance a country plagued by inefficiency and reckless spending.
Dave Kratzer has been chosen to replace Patricia Telles-Irvin, who is leaving her post to accept the same position at Northwestern University.