C.J. Pruner - The Independent Florida Alligator

NEWS | CAMPUS

What they didn't tell you at Preview

By C.J. Pruner | Aug. 14, 2011

If you've made it to this page by now, you probably want to slug a small child for all the Orange and Blue fapping that I've allowed to take place in this New Student Edition. I know you don't give two squirts of R. Kelly's piss about Gator Nights or the smorgasbord of student clubs that provide good, clean Christian fun - you want to know the best place you can pound booze and get away with sexual harassment without the long dick of the law getting in your way. I know I sure as hell did.

OPINION | EDITORIALS

A pissing contest like no other: My encounter with Rick Scott

By C.J. Pruner | July 6, 2011

Last Thursday, my good buddy/managing editor/the-man-who-has-the-sense-to-never-let-me-run-a-Muhammad-cartoon Joey Flechas and I drove down to St. Petersburg for the annual Florida Press Association convention. For the few of you who don't religiously follow the inner workings of Florida print media, the FPA convention is where a bunch of godless leftist journos/"media academics"/anyone with a hard-on for the written word from all across the state gather at some palace of a hotel, dress up in outfits picked out by Stevie Wonder and try to outstroke each other in rhetorical masturbation. Essentially, it's like the Republican National Convention with the exception that there's a limit to how much free booze you can guzzle.

THE AVENUE | LIFESTYLE

No holds barred: One man's journey through pro wrestling

By C.J. Pruner | June 15, 2011

Toward the end of my senior year of high school, my theology teacher, a behemoth of a human being who I'm pretty sure fought alongside the Philistines in a previous life, told our class to write an exhaustive, Jesus-filled, self-reflective term paper as our academic coup de grace.

METRO

Bottcher, Chase take their seats on city commission

By C.J. Pruner | May 23, 2011

Two political newcomers officially took their seats on the Gainesville City Commission as Susan Bottcher and Todd Chase were officially sworn in at the Thelma Boltin Senior Activity Center on Thursday.

OPINION | COLUMNS

If he can write for us, why can't you?

By C.J. Pruner | May 11, 2011

About two years ago, I decided to do what millions of college-aged kids have done since the days when Jesus and the Dirty Dozen toured as a traveling family band: print out a resume, put on the greatest pseudo-smile Monopoly money can buy and apply for a job.

NEWS | FEATURES

Closure, not celebration, for three NYC firefighters

By C.J. Pruner | May 9, 2011

Frank Santiago is not a vengeful man. As a child, he was taught to never take pride in another person's misfortune.

Jasmine Earls

METRO | POLITICS

Bottcher, Chase win commission seats

By C.J. Pruner | Apr. 12, 2011

Gainesville City Commission candidates Todd Chase and Susan Bottcher came out victorious in their election races Tuesday night, officially ending the local election season and putting two new faces in city hall.

AP Photo

METRO | CRIMINAL JUSTICE

Riots in Afghanistan over Dove World Outreach Center Quran burning

By C.J. Pruner | Apr. 3, 2011

As he laid his Bible and handgun ever so carefully down on a music stand, Terry Jones slowly made his way to the pulpit to deliver his sermon.

NEWS | SFC

Congressman Stearns speaks at Santa Fe on Saturday

By C.J. Pruner | Mar. 27, 2011

As he made the rounds throughout his district Saturday, Cliff Stearns portrayed for those in attendance a country plagued by inefficiency and reckless spending.

NEWS | CAMPUS STUDENT LIFE

Machen names interim vice president of student affairs

By C.J. Pruner | Mar. 23, 2011

Dave Kratzer has been chosen to replace Patricia Telles-Irvin, who is leaving her post to accept the same position at Northwestern University.