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Tuesday, June 25, 2024

C.J. Pruner

Florida Alligator

What they didn't tell you at Preview

If you've made it to this page by now, you probably want to slug a small child for all the Orange and Blue fapping that I've allowed to take place in this New Student Edition. I know you don't give two squirts of R. Kelly's piss about Gator Nights or the smorgasbord of student clubs that provide good, clean Christian fun - you want to know the best place you can pound booze and get away with sexual harassment without the long dick of the law getting in your way. I know I sure as hell did.

Florida Alligator

A pissing contest like no other: My encounter with Rick Scott

Last Thursday, my good buddy/managing editor/the-man-who-has-the-sense-to-never-let-me-run-a-Muhammad-cartoon Joey Flechas and I drove down to St. Petersburg for the annual Florida Press Association convention. For the few of you who don't religiously follow the inner workings of Florida print media, the FPA convention is where a bunch of godless leftist journos/"media academics"/anyone with a hard-on for the written word from all across the state gather at some palace of a hotel, dress up in outfits picked out by Stevie Wonder and try to outstroke each other in rhetorical masturbation. Essentially, it's like the Republican National Convention with the exception that there's a limit to how much free booze you can guzzle.

Florida Alligator

If he can write for us, why can't you?

About two years ago, I decided to do what millions of college-aged kids have done since the days when Jesus and the Dirty Dozen toured as a traveling family band: print out a resume, put on the greatest pseudo-smile Monopoly money can buy and apply for a job.

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